On My Mind

The Ramblings of Me

January 26th, 2010

Socially retarded. @ 08:19 pm

I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm socially inept. I've lost sight of myself and don't know how to handle people. People here I nice to me, but I guess theres something about me that tells them to stay away. I feel like I've grown further apart from my friends here, and I feel like it's my fault. I'm trying to change all the things about myself that I dislike and that other people dislike, but its so hard. I think they find me annoying, or just think i'm too strange to talk to. And in a place with so many strong personalities, its hard to find my own.


July 25th, 2008

Wow. @ 12:38 am

Current Mood: sore

Three years ago when I took this Nine Circles of Hell quiz I was a level 3. Now I'm a level 7. Goes to show how much I've changed.

July 19th, 2008

Cillian Murphy=Orgasm. @ 12:33 am

Current Location: My Room.
Current Mood: dorky

Can I just say how many attractive men are in the movie "The Dark Knight" ? I promise there are no spoilers here.

I counted, like, 3 or 4 attractive guys. But there wasn't as much Cillian Murphy as I would like. He's so fucking hot.

I'm not usually attracted to the evil guy,  but in this case...

So many hot guys, I was pracically orgasming in my seat!

Anwhoo, I will post about Up north later tomorrow...erm...today.

July 9th, 2008

Masterbators annon. @ 12:03 am

Current Location: Home.
Current Mood: indescribable

So I went to this website I went to a lot as a pre-teen. Gurl.com. I found this cute comic abou a girl who chronically masturbates. 

It reminded me of myself. And guess what? Her name is even Rachel.

Check it out:



July 4th, 2008

Up North. @ 03:07 pm

Current Mood: bouncy

I'm finally going back up north again. It's been so long!  I can't wait!!!!

 I always feel as if I'm returning home, after being away for so long.

So I will not be on IJ, or able to be online. If you need me, you can text or call.

July 3rd, 2008

FREAK OUT. @ 07:32 pm

Current Mood: ecstatic


Going to come out a week of two after the Twilight movie. I guess I'll be coming back a lot in December!

Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana to star. (Rachel McAdams-The Notebook, Eric Bana-The Other Bolyn Girl)


Original Sin. @ 07:11 pm

Current Location: My Room.
Current Mood: hungry

Original Sin with Angelina Jolie and Antonio Bandaras is a good movie! I was suprised how much I got sucked in emotionally, and liked the plot.

The fact that both of the leads are hot doesn't hurt either.

It's about love and how you can't run away from it, no matter what the price.

Three or four really hot sex scenes, and a great storyline.

Plus one of the best femme fatales ever.

July 2nd, 2008

WHY!? @ 11:30 pm

Current Mood: crappy

So tell me why Brett just felt me up, was trying to hook up with me...and all I could think about was Nando?

June 27th, 2008

Wicked. @ 10:21 pm

Current Mood: contemplative

So I was thinking....

Wicked is back at the Wharton Center. And I'm going to see it again with my family. But I was thinking that because the show is about friendships, we could all, (or even just those who are intrested) go together. The shows are in July-August, but we should probably go early July. The tickets are $77.00 right now, so if you guys are intrested you should let me know pronto. Let me know PLEASE.

Oh. And garage sale tomorrow at the Tomi Raines parking lot on Abbot. Theres a lot of nice furnature I think you'd like, Whitney.


So this is what it's called... @ 03:15 am

Current Location: My Room
Current Mood: cranky

Claircognizance (knowing)

In the field of parapsychology, claircognizance is a form of extra-sensory perception wherein a person acquires psychic knowledge primarily by means of intrinsic knowledge. It is the ability to know something, and energy or sorts, without knowing how or why you know it. Energies can be light or heavy, smooth or abrasive, prickly or gentle, peaceful and airy or good or bad. For example, when sensing a negative situation, one may feel sick, while a positive experience may feel like butterflies in the stomach, or a sense of feeling safe, peaceful and light.

Claircognizance can relate to the past, present or future (premonitions). A phrase you will often hear from people who have this ability is, "I don't know how I know, I just know."

Claircognizance does not seem to provide insights on one's own situation, but rather aids others. Other people gain much by having a friend or relative who is claircognizant, and it does much good to listen to those gifted people. .

Some go through life frustrated because they cannot understand how they get this information. Although they always seem to know the answer, they cannot trust the information, because they do not understand the source.

Claircognizance provides guidance in the form of ideas, concepts and thoughts. You do not see, hear or feel it, you simply know.  Sometimes it is a kind of warning, other times it is a future prophecy of things that develop later.

The location for this sense is on the top of the head, the Crown of Life Chakra. Because their special ability is rooted in the brain, claircognizant people are usually good at problem solving, creating new ideas and understanding abstract concepts. Other benefits of this Clair are accurate insight and successful idea generation.

Thats all I could find on the subject. I want to try to find a book devoted just to claircognizance, but I can't seem to find any...


June 24th, 2008

Orientation at OU. @ 10:07 pm

Current Location: My Room
Current Mood: exhausted

Sarah call me when you read this please. Or reply to the text I sent you. Thanks.

        I went to Orientation at Oakland today. It was slightly intimidating, walking in alone. Most of the kids were from around town, and came with a bunch of friends. I just sat down at a random table and chilled. I met some people, thankfully. A girl majoring in nursing, and a girl majoring in Physical Therepy. They wern't the trype of people I would normally hang out with, but they were nice, and it was good not to eat lunch alone. 
       The campus is beautiful. It was so pretty and I was glad we got to hang outside for a while. I didn't get to see what my dorm room will look like, nor did I find out who my roommate is, which sucks. I want to get to know them before we move in. So it's not like, "Oh hey!" But whatever.
         It was scary, signing up for classes. I'm taking an advanced Composition class, because of my ACT scores, and when I auditioned, the guy told me to skip vocal tech, and go straight to voice lessons, becuase I didn't need a class on techneique. So that made me feel good. I'm also taking a modern dance class, an acting class, a costume shop class, and a "muscianship" class. Whatever that is. I'm going to try to fit choir in there, somewhere. If I didn't take choir, it would be the first time since I was like, 5. Even when I didn't take choir at school, I was always in church choir. I didn't even know I could sing until the 4th or 5th grade, when I took a choir class at school.
      Anywhoo, It wasn't too bad. It was a really long day, I had to get up at six, and fell asleep at four. I don't know why it's been so hard for me to fall asleep latley. My time clock is just off. I fell asleep during the finanical aid presentation. My parent knew all the information anyway. But it's over now, and I basically get to hang around all week, write thank you notes, and get ready for the garage sale on Saturday. I'm gonna clean the shit out of our basement. the shit in the closets? Yeah, those bitches are goin down! 

Buuuut I'm still very tired (obviously, if you read the last scentence), even though I did take a few naps, and I should be getting off to bed. G'night.

June 23rd, 2008

Movie @ 02:44 am

Current Location: My Room
Current Mood: groggy

Mostly for Sarah and Whitney, but can apply to others too:

You may have heard of the movie coming out called "Wanted". June 27th. I'm for sure seeing it. It has Angelina Jolie and James McAvoy, who was in Atonement. (If you saw it)

The cool thing Sarah: James McAvoy is a scottish actor with blue eyes. In a movie with Angelina. With apperently a lot of naked scenes?

I wanna see it. 


James McAvoy:

Isn't he pretty?

June 21st, 2008

Open House @ 09:58 pm

Current Location: Mi Roomo
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: I feel the Earth Move-Mandy Moore

Open House 1-5 tomorrow people. Be thurrrr. 

June 17th, 2008

My avalibility. @ 06:21 pm

Current Location: Family Room.
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Let Me Be Your Wings-Thumbelina


You guys, I'm sorry. Everyone has asked me about hanging out, and I can't right now. 

I'm basically bound to the house until after the open house on Sunday. The bright side is that you guys can probably stay around for a whikle afterwords. 

So I'm not really allowed to hang out until after Sunday. (And Sunday as well, of course.) 

Sorry guys. 

Britt, in reply to your posts:

I'm really glad that you stood up for yourself. How is Sheila related again? I know you've answered this before, but still, I forget. Anyway. I can't beleive she said that, and I don't blame you one bit for replying like that. What does your Mom think? I know you said she was shocked, but she belives you right? 

Hope it gets better. And with Mike, well, we talked breifly about that. =]

Love you all, hope to see you soon.


June 13th, 2008

Amigos para siempre @ 10:23 pm

Current Location: My Room
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Amigos Para Siempre

So this song is awesome. Love those high notes at the end!

It was the theme song for the 1992 olympics in Spain. Hence the Spanish. 

Its kinda how I feel about us. And our friendships. 

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/yM2-L5MUEkU&hl=en"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/yM2-L5MUEkU&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>


June 6th, 2008

Sarah- @ 12:19 am

Current Location: My Room
Current Mood: calm

Sarah-Check it:


I stumbled across it while watching that show "A Haunting" on youtube. The person who had posted it is a relative of who the experience had happned to.

If you want to find the episode on youtube, its called "The Unleashed"

May 31st, 2008

So I met this boy... @ 10:28 pm

Current Location: My Room
Current Mood: horny

...and his name is John. He graduated from EL 6 years ago, when I was in 7th grade. He filled in for Rob last min. when Rob couldn't do the show. He is such a sweetheart. I just met him yesterday, and we've already become really good friends. I don't know, it was just nice to hang out with a more mature guy then all the high school boys I'm used to. We may try to hang out later. I don't know. It was just a nice change of pace. 

Dude. I need to get laid. Not in the literal sense of "penetration: penis in vagina" but as in, "I need forplay and pleasue other then myself." 

Haha. It seems like all I'm noticing latley is boys. I saw 4 cute ones in the Catholic church I work at. Catholic boys who are so repressed and held back, and just need a little convincing to release....

God, I'm such a horrible person.

Quotes of the past few days @ 12:16 am

Current Location: My Room
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Ice Cream-Music Man

At Denny's at Night With...

Me: Well, I'm just reminsescing. 
Tim: Yeah. Hey, remember that one time we kissed and the entire cast was on the other side of the stage when we looked up?

With Sarah fucking around in the car...

Sarah: Mothercockstucker in space
Me: Wouldn't it be hard to suck a dick in space?

Sarah (texting, trying to spell vagina): vagani. hmm. sounds like hermione. Hermione's vagani!

At Britts...

Me: I don't know...it's just like...woah! When did that truck get here?!

Cute Story: 

So I was at Tim's open house with Emily, Darby, and T. They had Music Man playing on DVD. Em and I were watching our scene and Tim's little cousin walks in, and points to me on the screen and goes "I got her autograph!" and Emily and Darby laugh and all point and say, "Thats her!" and she goes "Really?!" and runs out of the room. When she come back in the room she has he brother and dad, points to me, and says, "Guess who that is?!" and then points to the me on the screen. "She was Marian!" 

It was sooo cute. Made my night. 

I just had to write it all down.

May 26th, 2008

A Good, Relaxing Day @ 10:02 pm

Current Location: Home
Current Music: Always True to You (In My Fashion)

So today was a super good day. I don't know why. It was just good. And tomorrow I get to sleep in. Yippie! 

I woke up at 11:00, memorized some lines, and went to The Studio for acting. Then I went home. It was really nice outside, so I lay out on my porch for the remainder of the afternoon, catching some rays. It got darker at about 5:00, so I went inside and Nathaniel and I decided to make a slurpee run to QD. Turns out, we ended up getting one for everyone in the entire family. Dad and I go my laptop up and running after that, and then the entire family sat down and watched "Juno." It was a really good movie. I really liked it. 

And now I'm about to go upstairs and play The Sims 2 on my laptop. I'm going to make a Sunnydale neiboorhood. =]



May 22nd, 2008

Reflections. @ 03:22 pm

I can't believe that tomorrow is our last day of High School. Ever. And that we're graduating next Sunday. 
This year has had it's ups and downs. But overall, i think it went okay for me. I made new friends, kept the old. There were bitches, but there were also my bitches. I had some hard times with my family, but they're my family, and have continued loving me no matter what.

College auditions are the major hump I had to get over this year. But I succeeded, getting into three schools. Oakland, Here I come!

I'd have to say my biggest aclompishment this year was in Theatre. Working was so much fun, it was a blast, and I'll never forget the experience, or the people I met. (Or the "Private" cast party). Then Music Man came along. I had been waiting to have this opportunity since I was little. I remember seeing the shows at the high school when I was little and saying "Thats what I want to do." Since my sophmore year, I had been rejected, or at least it felt that way at the time. But I realize now that I was young and growing. When Working came...and I got to be the housewife, it felt like i was wanted, like they did need me. And this oppertunity to go to Scotland is just unbelieveble. 

When I found out we were doing another musical, and that the musical was going to be "Music Man" , I freaked. I thought, "This is my chance." It's my senior year, last show at the high school. And don't take this the wrong way, anyone, but when I got done with my audition and hit that high G,  and heard Kowalski say "YES!" from the boucany, I knew that I had gotten it. I talked to PK about this, and she said that it was normal. If you get out of an audition, sometimes you just get the feeling that it' s yours. And when I was done, I just knew that I was finally getting what I was waiting for.  Sometimes I wonder if they had me in mind from the start, because I sung "Til there was you" at theatre night last year. But I'll never know. 

Working on the show was just amazing. Deff the highlight of my year. I knew then that it was what I wanted to go into for my career. Getting close to everyone-Tim, Peter, Stephen, Rachel. And so many other people. Theatre has been the best part of high school. Hands down. And saying goodbye, the last show...was so hard. I still pop in the DVD all the time. Just to remember. It's going to be what I miss the most. That and ELsingers. 

Speaking of ELsingers. It was fun this year. I can't really compare to last year, they were just diffrent. More bullshit to deal with this year though. But whatever. I'm graduating, and leaving them i the dust. I'm going to miss Mr. E like hell though. He is honestly like  my second Dad, I'm upset he's not giving me my diploma, but it's important that he go to his sons graduation.  I'll miss him.

Through Working and Painting, Nando and I got a lot closer. I still remember the day when I realized I was crushing on him. I remember everything that ever happned between us. I espically remember some nights, during shows, I'd stand backstage in my black dress for "It's and Art." and one day, he came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me and breathed in my ear. We were together for 4 months. 

It's just so hard to think back on it, knowing that once we were so close. I can't believe I consitered loosing my virginity to him. I wanted to at the time, and I knew I would regret it later, and now I'm so glad that I didn't.  I'm going to be in love when I loose it. Bottom line. Even if it takes years and years.  I shudder when I think that I would be in 10 times more pain if we did have sex. 

My relationship with Nando was one of the best things of this year, and also one of the worst. When I was with him....for those four blissful months...I was iravocablly happy. Blissfull. I felt so happy when I was with him. We had so much fun. And now he won't even look at me.  It reminds me of a monolouge I did for college auditions. Over so quickly, so suddnely. We don't even speak to each other. I want him to sign my yearbook, but I know that it will be hard for both of us, and I know I'll have to approach him. *sigh* Tomorrow. I'll walk away from him. And never see him again. We'll never see each other after we graduate, and I can concentrate on getting over him. Maybe I never will, completley.  But I won't have to see him. 

High School...over. For good. God. I can't even believe it. I'm graduating and going off to college. 

God, this post is so long, and I'll probably add more to it later. For some reason the song "One Day More"  from LesMiz. is running in my heart. Very pertinent.  One more day guys!

One day to a new beginning
Raise the flag of freedom high!
Every man will be a king
There's a new world for the winning
 There's a new world to be won
Tomorrow we'll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store!
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!


On My Mind

The Ramblings of Me